The Stock Market - FAQ

There have been some dramatic events happening in the stock markets recently. The papers are full of news like “Sensex sees largest fall” and similar things that don’t make sense. And so, I’ve applied my higher powers of reasoning to figure out just what is going on.
For your benefit, here’s a short FAQ on the stock market.
Q: What is this SENSEX?
A: SENSEX is short for SENSeless EXperience. It summarizes what that stock brokers and investors feel when they are trading. Trading in the stock market is like putting a rabbit on a roller coaster. It just goes round and round and upside down, and the rabbit has no idea whatsoever of just what the hell is happening. But that doesn’t stop the rabbit from enjoying the whole experience.
Q: OK, then why is this SENSEX falling?
A: This is really a huge cover up by the government. If you ask the regular media, they’ll tell you some weird reasons like the “sub-prime crisis” or “credit market squeeze” or some random thing like that, but let me tell you, all that stuff is not true. The real reason the SENSEX is falling is something else. It’s falling because of an ancient Egyptian mummy curse.
That’s right folks, you heard it here first. The Ancient Mummies were not very big fans of the stock markets. We know this because they built pyramids, and as everyone knows, you can’t trade in a pyramid scheme. It’s illegal. Anyway, so they cursed all the stock markets, and here’s the actual curse: (Translated)
A thousand moons from now, beyond hell’s stairs,
The world will be ruled by the bulls and the bears!
By the power of the sun, I put upon them this curse,
May their stupid stock market one day go in reverse!

And that’s the reason the stock markets are falling.
Q: Is that a bad thing? Does this mean there is a recession? All the stock markets worldwide are falling!
No, not all the markets are falling, only the ones in the Northern Hemisphere.
Everyone knows that stock market movements are cyclical - They go up and down. Much like the seasons - When it’s summer in the Northern Hemisphere, it’s actually winter in the Southern Hemisphere. It’s the same with the stock markets. The Northern Hemisphere is experiencing a recession, but the Southern Hemisphere is all booming. Soon, the boom will return to the Northern Hemisphere (because of the earth’s revolution), and everything will be fine once again.

Q:But what about till then? Am I going to get laid off?
A:Yes, you’re going to get laid off. Because you’re reading this blog instead of working